Still Alive

I found grace the most in sunsets.

Grace was the word I chose to make a point to embody in 2021. I was hoping for more mental grace and definitely had some success there. Previously, I spoke often and without thinking. Though I still express myself, I have the ability to speak with intent and thoughtfulness. Of course, there are always slips and always with the ones who we are closest to or in more trying situations. The point is, to try and keep an intention in mind throughout the year.

Recently, I encountered a person who has a yearly song they come back to time and time again. I can also share my song of the year from last year. It’s incredible! I didn’t know it was my year song but once this idea was brought to my attention, I knew right away this was THE ONE.

Glorious – Ma Muse

What’s yours for this year?

Grace – simple elegance or refinement of movement; courteous goodwill; the free and unmerited favor of God.

My every day movements, do not always feel graceful. When I ski, practice yoga and frolic outside, I feel full of grace. I am in a state of flow, peace, joy, and GRACE.

The intention and word for this year is PEACE. Comparison is such an easy trap to fall into. For so much of my life, I spent months in nature camping and totally without service; these were the hardest yet happiest times of my life. I was only comparing myself to the person I was the day before and talking to friends in nature about these feelings. Now, social media displays to us body image expectations and advertisements that are unsettling. I miss being settled in nature but thanks to nature, I have been able to settle and find home wherever I am.

PEACE: freedom from disturbance; tranquility; a state or period in which there is no war or a war has ended.

I will focus on doing hard things and still finding peace. I will end the war wagers in my mind and instead seek peace at every corner and opportunity. This is the song for me in 2022; when I need to dance or smile I will return to this song.

People Everywhere (Still Alive) – Khruangbin

What were some of your highlights? Challenges? Lessons learned?

A challenge for me was grace in not knowing when to ask for the space that I need. I crave independence, solitude, aloneness sometimes and that’s okay! Even in a healthy relationship, we have to do what we need and half the battle is listening to our body and mind when it’s trying to tell us. While sitting in front of a fire with a new friend, I asked her relationship advice as she is my age with a long term, loving relationship. As I’m entering into the start of year 3 with my partner, it seemed like an appropriate question. She said to take time to be alone and the cliche quote that distance really does make the heart grow fonder. With covid surpassing year 2 of existence, I’ve spent quite a lot of time with my partner. Previously, I spent a lot of time alone and also traveling. It’s important to grieve for the things, and for some, people, that we have lost during these continued unprecedented times. Finding peace within myself, seeking it out when necessary, and also creating peace for others when they are in my presence are all things I will strive towards this year.

As you may or may not have seen in some past posts, gardening was my greatest joy this spring, summer, and into the fall. I was able to dig my hands in the dirt, spend time alone, and give the gifts of homegrown food to myself and my neighbors. I will mourn the loss of that specific garden and the 2 incredible years we spent together since we have moved. We made so many homemade goods this year and now make our own pasta and bread as well. Food is appreciated so much more now and tastes even better.

Empowerment is something that I hold so dear and is essential to my life. I strive to see others thrive. This year I was confident in my coaching abilities especially regarding skiing and climbing. I find that I can exhibit so much patience for others and will continue to foster that sense of patience for myself. I did experience so many learning styles and altered my teachings accordingly. I also learned how dangerous it can be to take someone who isn’t physically or mentally prepared to achieve a goal. We climbed some big rocks and mountains and it must be accepted that not everyone can or should be pursuing the same goals as you. Finding your tribe is critical and may change according to the activity or event you’d like to try.

Love! I knew I always loved sappy movies and attending weddings but I never dreamed how rewarding it could be to wed your friends in their own matrimony. I’ve never been asked to do something that I regard as so sacred and holy. Yes, therapy is so sacred and I feel on the right path with my career pursuits.. but wow I never knew that time I was bored in New Zealand and applied to become ordained would lead to one of my greatest personal accomplishments in my life. Can’t thank my friends enough for their strong relationship but also for asking me to be a part of their special day.

A podcast (Yoga Girl, look it up if you’re interested) gave me prompts to think about from the past year and going into the future. The categories of journaling and processing were: home, mind, body, and soul. If you’ve read this far: WOW THANK YOU! Now, consider taking out a journal or typing about those four big ideas including the highs, lows, and any goals surrounding them.

Home: This year, I moved away from my favorite home I’ve ever known, Steamboat, Colorado. Though my partner and I tried to make it work there, we ended up returning to Denver and have recently moved to Golden. I am deeply mourning the loss of being so close to nature, trees, snow, hot springs, the Yampa, and more. On the other hand, where we live now we were able to host our families for the holidays which was really a blessing. It snowed a great deal in Steamboat and would have been a bit less convenient to try to host them in our likely tiny apartment in that beautiful little mountain town. I’ve created home in myself and allowed myself to trust enough to find home in my partner.

Mind: This is the realm of studies and finances and such. My finances are consistent and the pay is better than when I worked in Steamboat so that’s a plus! Though I’m spending most of it to pay for grad school out of pocket (because I’m afraid of debt!), I am able to invest in myself and my mind. I have all that I need except closer contact with nature at the moment. Golden is great but it’s rather brown and lacking of the amount of trees that I like nearby. Also, I am in a book club! Since covid started this is something that brings me extreme joy and foster a lot of pride. I do love reading and there’s nothing better than having a group of friends sit around every month or so to talk about a different book.

Body: The body always seems like the focus for new years resolutions. When I saw the NYE ball drop in Times Square it was completely sponsored by Planet Fitness! Ooof. This year, I have spent a lot of time in meditation and on my yoga mat. Honestly, I rarely use a mat I’ll just create a comfortable space wherever I am. At the beginning of the year, I soaked in Sulphur springs frequently and now that I don’t have the same access, I create new ways for body self care. I take cold showers, use facial masks and scrubs, and even make my own organic lotion for my dry skin. I focused on buying vegan products and this is also good for the earth and my soul as well as my body that absorbs these substances. I also stopped drinking coffee! The goals that come to mind for my body are to lift more weights and climb harder. Also, bike more and more water sports. I would like to climb all the 14ers eventually. I’m in the 30s!

Soul: My soul needs nature more, I do know that. I have made time for solo time outdoors this year, just less than what I’m used to but such is life when you have a 9-5 indoor job! Friends have visited the great state of Colorado and I’ve shown them the world of backpacking and what it’s like to just sit with nature and challenge yourself there. I would like to foster an even deeper relationship with my partner and friends and family, near and far. Fortunate to have seen my cousin and his family in Florida and Caleb’s family for their annual Feast of the Hunter’s Moon! I spent a lot of time dancing, moving and shaking this year and I do think that this is deeply healing and helpful for my soul.